How To Break Toxic Family Generational Patterns

To be enlightened is to be aware. To be aware is to be empowered but to ignore that power….well, that’s ignorance.” – Written By Sarah Hidalgo Authement Contributing Writer for The Astonishing Tales Digital Magazine

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.” ~ Albert Einstein

In Kindergarten We Learned 1 +1=2.

If you had to fill in as a substitute teacher for Kindergarten, what would you teach in math ? 1 + 1=2. Why ? Well, this is what I would teach because it’s what I know. I wouldn’t dare teach them about microbiology.

I don’t know anything about microbiology. Knowing nothing about a subject means I don’t know what I don’t know.

The same goes for those of us that are stuck in a generational cycle of destructive behaviors and mind thought patterns. Individuals don’t know they’re dysfunctional and don’t know they don’t know.

Sarah and her family

We pass on thoughts, actions, words and attitudes of what we know… consciously or subconsciously.

This is a basic description of how toxic family patterns and/or cycles begin. We subconsciously, without knowing, continue to pass down the same ole shitty “hand me downs” generation after generation and it could take decades before that unhealthy pattern is even recognized to begin to be broken down.

Most would agree that doesn’t seem fair, but ever since mankind has been flooded with darkness very few things in life are “fair.”

Right, it’s not fair. The most unfair circumstances occur when innocent, pure children are wounded by the very parent or parents whose main job was to be that of the protector.

When that child grows up and becomes a parent themselves, one of two things will take place.

They will repeat the very abusive acts to their kids that they admit, were done by the hands of their parent/s then proceed to blame their parents who most likely blamed their parents who blamed their parents and so on.

We could even go all the way back to Noah and blame him. I mean, he is one who built the ark and saved the entire human race. Had he not done that your parents parents parents parents wouldn’t have been born. Nobody would have engaged in abusive acts… So it’s all Noah’s fault.

Right ?WRONG This belief is adopted as a result of dogmatic spiritual teachings because it’s not an either/or situation. It’s a both/and.

When your parent/s displayed any sort of abusive acts, the fault of those actions became theirs. Grant it, they may have been “dealt a bad hand,” unfair yet still true, but it’s up to you how you play those cards.

If you can acknowledge the actions were wrong, than you have gifted yourself with the awareness and power to choose a different way.

You didn’t have control over your parent/s repeating that generational cycle with you, but YOU HAVE THE POWER TO BREAK IT. I can say this with nothing but confidence and certainty because I’m consciously choosing to do just that everyday.

There came a moment as a parent, and a human being, where I was b#tch slapped by the reality that, as much as I’d swore I wouldn’t, I had began repeating the very patterns that leave families and individuals broken and alone everyday.

I was told by my father at a very young age that I would be the one whom broke those family patterns. The very patterns he himself acknowledged, but because he chose to swim daily in the sea of blame and sorrow, he forfeited the power to break those patterns himself.

That has never and will never sit well with me.

We live in a society today where blaming others has become as common as breathing, gaslighting is displayed by children towards other children and people are actively wallowing in their pain, waiting for someone to come save them when THEMSELVES is the one their waiting on because only they can do the saving !!!

A square block will not eventually fit into a round hole if you keep trying relentlessly to make it. What I mean by that is, this next generation will not be a generation of change and rebirth if we, as the current generation, don’t take action and show them a different way.

A few tips on how you can be the change for you:

*Become aware of your family’s toxic relationship patterns. This is the first step in moving towards healing.

1)Own your own actions, beliefs, emotions and problems…..and get help

2)Observe others and their interactions with family. How do they differ?

3)Do research & educate yourself on things such as:

*relationship boundaries,

*The rules of dysfunctional family systems

*adult children of addicts & alcoholics,

*Codependency & Enabling

*Signs of someone manipulating you

If you find yourself questioning whether or not this is playing out in your family, chances are it is…..but guess what ?!?! You determine how it plays out from the present moment into the future.

Sarah’s brother Collin, who is no longer with us….

We are not victims of circumstances or other people. Yes, bad things happen that we can’t control. People hurt us as a result of their wounding.

We lose people we love at the hand of suicide because the pain became too much.

I know this reality guys, I lost my little brother in 2011 at the age of 25… his core pain was a result of him ignoring his power to free himself.

I don’t know if he ever was aware of it at all.

I made a promise to him and myself when he died, that I would do everything in my power for my own healing that he was unable to do for him.

We don’t have to live and carry our past generational pain.

It’s not ours to carry… so let it go.